United States of Acceptance

There's an episode of Spongebob Squarepants where he annoys his cooty old neighbor Squidward to the point where Squidward decides to pack it up and move to a more distinguished community of people just like him. When Squidward gets to his new home in Tentacle Acres, he's so happy that he can do all his upper crust activities like clarinet chamber music or interpretive dancing without having Spongebob bothering him every two seconds. "Canned bread!" he swoons. Yep, life looks simply perfect. Until he realizes how totally boring he really is and wants to go back to his old house next to Spongebob.

I was reminded of that Spongebob episode when I read this Time article about some neighborhood in Connecticut where some residents are annoyed with their loud, volleyball playing neighbors. Loud neighbors that happen to be immigrants. It's funny how when people do something that pisses you off, you don't focus on the problem, you focus on the person. You find anything that will explain why a person does what they do, and generalize or stereotype if necessary. It's not enough to tell people that there are people playing loud music and volleyball in your neighborhood, you have to make sure that people know that you're talking about immigrants, because when people think of immigrants, they immediately think of illegal immigrants and the idea that they shouldn't be here because they aren't legal, and that they are ruining our perfect country.

It annoys me when people say things like that, like the time I was at the grocery store with my dad and some guy left his full cart by the cash register (stuff hadn't been emptied onto the conveyor belt yet) but we didn't know if it was just dumped there or if the cart was holding someone's place, and since we only had two cartons of ice cream to pay for and get out of there, we just went ahead. Sure enough, as we put our ice cream on the belt, the guy came back. He shouted, "I was in line! Didn't you see my cart?! You stupid foreigners!" and he bitch-slapped our ice cream off of the belt. I was like, "Aaack! Our ice cream!" but my dad yelled back, "Foreigners? What are you talking about? You're a foreigner too! We're all foreigners!" It's true though (unless that guy was native american :-P), sometimes people don't realize that recent immigrants are no different than the original immigrants that built this country. Whatever happened to embracing the great melting pot that this country has become? Nowadays people just feel entitled to freedoms because they were born here, and don't think that people who come here to seek a better life deserve the same freedoms.

I'm not saying that the loud volleyball playing people shouldn't tone it down a bit. I think they should be more considerate of the people they live around. But for the city to start cracking down on illegal immigration just because some rich legacies don't want illegals ruining their town, that is so elitist. Maybe the city will somehow get rid of all its illegal immigrants and the rich tax payers will have their utopia back again...and then after a day or two, they'll realize that no one's at their office cleaning their toilets, no one's at McDonald's making the french fries, and no one's there to lay the foundation on their 7-bedroom colonial mansion. Wouldn't people be surprised to find out how the illegal immigrants are helping the economy thrive? Who is doing all of the dirty, low-paying, thankless jobs that self-entitled Americans would never be caught dead doing? I guess I don't know why people don't or can't get true citizenship, but they should at least try, because they deserve to be here just as much as anyone else. Squidward learned to live next door to Spongebob. Maybe we can learn something from them.

People change

A few posts back I wrote that I used to say "I don't care" all the time, much to my parents' dismay. Another thing that I sort of remember saying (probably because I heard it on TV or something) is: "People change."

"People change" is the essence of free will, that if you have the ability to choose your destiny, you also have the ability to change it at anytime. The problem with that is that even though you have free will, you aren't the only person in the world and if you choose to change something that affects other people, you're considered to be selfish. People who constantly change their minds are considered fickle and unreliable. But in other instances, people who are able to change on a whim are considered flexible and daring. I guess it really depends on what the situation is.

I was talking to my internet friend the other day about marriage and why some people just do it and why other people have really, really long relationships that may or may not end in marriage. He got into the whole discussion about how people are so fickle nowadays and that so many marriages end up in divorce because people just don't want to commit and to make things work. This got me thinking that if people didn't jump into marriage but instead had long drawn out relationships, it would give people the time to bail out before any long term commitment would be made. So figuring out you're not right for each other before getting married is better than having to divorce after you're married? If you're committed in a long term relationship with someone that you think you might marry in the future, how is being in that relationship any different than being married, and how is breaking up that relationship any different than a divorce (aside from the legalities)?

I had this friend in college who kept pining over this guy that she wanted to go out with. I said, "If you want to go out with him, go for it!" But her thinking was more like, "Well, I shouldn't really go out with someone unless I'm absolutely sure I'm going to marry him." (She ended up marrying a totally different guy, by the way.) I suppose marriage is the ultimate point of dating people anyway (at least for the majority of people), but how can you lay out your entire future so early when you don't even know what will happen? My internet friend asked me to listen to this sermon to help me understand what marriage really is all about. What I remember the most from it is that marriage is a commitment that you make with the other person promising them all the stuff that you're going to do in the future. Like "love and honor" and "cherish"...you don't necessarily have to have any of those things up front, but as long as you promise to have those sometime in the future, that's all that matters. I know it's a simplistic way of interpreting it, but that's basically what I gathered.

That made me think about that stupid but oddly addicting J-Lo movie, "The Wedding Planner". Her dad in the movie says to her (in a really bad fake Italian-like accent) that he and her mother had an arranged marriage, and that they didn't like each other when they got married, but learned to respect and to eventually love one another in the end. That pretty much says that when people are forced to get married, they are forced to stick together, no matter what, and they have to learn to deal with their differences. If they end up in love later on, big plus...but there are no guarantees or necessity for that. But when people are in love and decide to get married, who knows what's going to happen. Because they freely decide to marry, they don't have that family honor and shame thing floating over their heads and if they decide divorce later on, who's going to stop them? People can change, right?

I think in the long run, everyone is different anyways and if people don't want to spend the rest of their married lives in therapy just so they don't end up breaking their marriage vows or so they don't get labeled "fickle" or a "doormat", so what? Is it going to make a difference 200 years from now when people just stop getting married (because sometime in between now and then there's a huge revolution that occurs where the Christian church and the government get together to put an end to divorce and annulments of marriage because it's "morally wrong" and wastes billions of taxpayer dollars every year) and just start having loosely-committed relationships where babies are produced but no one has to go through the formality of marriage and commitment for life, and women are able to work AND take care of their kids so there's no need for a male breadwinner in the household so men can just live on their own and go around spreading their seeds where they may? It's going to interesting to see how people change.

"Is mom or dad at home?"

I always get a huge kick out of it when people ask me this either on the phone or when I answer the front door. When they say that I know right away that they want to sell me something, so I always say, "No, they're not home." Well, today, something different and very strange happened. I was sitting here working and all of a sudden I see this black SUV pull up and a couple of people with backpacks and clipboards jump out and come to the door. Since my office is right near the front door, they see me and I have no way to avoid going to greet them.

As soon as I get to the door, the guy goes, "Hi, is mom or dad at home?" and seeing as they were probably going to try to sell me some bibles or magazine subscriptions, I immediately say, "No..." in a child-like voice. The guy buys it and then starts explaining what he's doing and asks, "Are the kids living in your house more of high school age or elementary age?" to which I couldn't come up with a fast lie about, I sat there for like 30 seconds looking back and forth at the two of them and making an "uh...." kind of noise, and then finally I break down and blurt out, "OK OK OK, I'm actually waaaaay past college. I don't have any kids."

They laugh and go, "OH! Well ok then maybe you can help us find out where the kids around here live. Are there kids in that house? [points next door] How about that one? [points across the street]..." I was like, "I have no idea really. I just moved here a few months ago." And then as they were leaving, the gal goes, "So, are you Korean?" (which I think is funny because I get the "So, are you [enter some Asian ethnicity here]" from asians a lot, but I don't see white people going around asking each other if they are Irish or German or Russian...I partially think this is because if you answer "Yes" to the Asian question, they will tend to start speaking the language back to you, to create that connection between you, even if you don't even care who they are).

Anyways, so I go, "no, I'm Chinese." And then I start asking them questions, like are they high school kids or college or "adults"? And the guy goes, "We're college kids. From California. We go to UCLA and UCSD. We're doing a study on high school and education and they send us all over the country to talk to parents about stuff." I was intrigued, but I wish I had asked them more about their study. Instead the gal starts asking me if I grew up around here, but I tell her that I actually grew up in California, to which she goes, "OH! So you actually know where UCLA and UCSD are!" I guess...as opposed to someone who grew up on the East Coast and never look at maps.

I don't know what I'm going to do the next time someone asks me if my mom or dad are at home. Maybe I need to come up with a story and stick with it, like that I'm home schooled or something. Or maybe I'll just run and hide.

More bug stuff: All dried up and nowhere to go...

Recently I've been noticing more and more millipedes crawling on the basement floor. I had noticed carcasses but not the actual living bugs. Oops, excuse me, arthropods. Anyways, it's not like there are hundreds of them so I'm not freaking out yet. I saw one today that was just sitting there, pointing its head up into the sky. I didn't know what it was doing, but it looked like it was dying. Drying out or something, because usually when you see the carcasses, they're all hard and dried out and crumbly. So I googled them and found out that they don't live too long when they venture indoors because the air is too dry; they usually live in the damp soil or in rotting vegetation. I guess that's a good sign, that the basement is dry enough to kill those poor creatures.

Beetle Bailey

Last night I found a june bug on the bed. I played the girl card and called D to come get rid of it. Of course, those things fly and it got away before he could grab it, and there it went, flapping and smacking itself against the walls, the ceiling, the window, everything, and then it got itself stuck in the blinds.

D said, "he's stuck in there, he'll never find his way out."
"Are you sure????" I panicked. And then I turned off the light and tried to sleep.

Of course, I can't sleep! Because I'm just thinking all the time about ol' beetle bailey, waiting until I'm asleep with my mouth gaping open and he'll just fly in there and lay eggs or crap his guts out. Or worse, climb into my ear. So I'm trying to sleep, with my arm covering my head, and all of a sudden I hear that same buzz-slap noise that beetle bailey made before and I freak out and turn on the lights. By that time, he was gone.

"That's it, I'm getting my book. And I'm going to wait for him to come out again," I said.
"He's not going to come out again, you're paranoid," says D.
"Oh, he'll come out. And when he does, I'll be waiting."

I have five pages left in my book and I start to hear flapping again, and sure enough, beetle bailey emerges from the dark corner of the room and starts buzz-slapping against the walls. I jump up with my book and start swatting away, but not hitting anything. After like five minutes of teasing me around the room, beetle bailey gets tired and finds his way back into the dark corner, into the baseboard heater. Curses! You! Beetle Bailey! Fooled me again!

I finally was able to fall asleep but kept waking up periodically, thinking about beetle and his attempts to fly into my mouth, but I never did hear the buzz-slapping noises again. I wonder where he went. And I wonder how I got so paranoid about bugs.